......

三月

2010-03-21T16:58:00.002+08:00

06-03:带了女朋友，老同事，马来朋友到金马伦玩。小学在这里爱上了仙人掌，中学在这里捉昆虫，做生物project,大学在这里做朋友的导游，做工后第一次带爸妈和弟弟到这里度假，和她在这里开始。。。。。。一个陌生的地方可以变得如此的熟悉。。。。。

13-03:大学的朋友突然往生，是drown,突然，好突然。。。。。。我们的大佬，先走了，出席他的丧礼，很想安慰他的父母，都是老套那几句，却不知如何安慰自己。。。。。因缘。。。。

14-03:朋友结婚，婚宴就像一场戏，和心爱的人在一起，也要演一场红馆似的一等表演给亲戚朋友看。。。。。。

21-03:回家

三月，应该有怎样的感觉。。。。。。。
还有十天。。。。。

......

2009-03-11T23:46:00.002+08:00

很想念有个朋友，
无论多忙，每天24个小时，都会在某个时候想到他，
少了他的影子，生活里真的都缺了一点，
毕竟这几年来，已成了我生活里的一部分。。。
每天期待，却害怕失望，
电话来了，却不知从哪里开始，太多的东西想讲，
最后还是选择了不讲，因为我会讲不完，也因为会有千万种理由他须盖电话。。。。。。

很好笑，我真的在意他忘了我的生日。。。
18/2/09 - 他可能很忙
19/2/09 - 他因该很忙
28/2/09 - 他可能忘了
10/3/09 - 他已经忘了
12/3/09 - 嗨，因该重复提醒我自己他很粗心大意;也证明他忘了我会很在意

有些东西不是有了女朋友可以代替的。。。。。。

电脑也很懂我心，playlist竟会shuffled 到-苏慧伦的[被动]
。。。。我可以很久不和你联络
。。。任日子一天天这麽过
。。让自己忙碌可以当作藉口
。逃避想念你的种种软弱
。。。。。我可以学会对你很冷漠。。。。。。。

Surgical Posting

2009-01-17T17:03:00.003+08:00

now in my second posting...surgical
already been informed by my kawan-kawan
O&G posting is like hell n surgical posting is a place worst then that...

firstly, Here we do TDS round (3 time rounds per day)
each one including houseman round, followed by Medical officer round, thn registrar thn surgeon...
basically 3 x 4 = 12 rounds...
The plans r always additive, never subtractive....

Secondly, It's infected with STAT virus (though i m a person who want things to be settle fast, yet.......)
FBC stat, BUSE stat, tract investigation stat, send booking slip stat, send gxm stat,
STAT...STAT...STAT....
(FOR UR INFORMATION, STAT means immediately without any delay, it's few ranking higher then ASAP, it's --> as fast don't care how - ASDCH)

3rdly,houseman r like Paramecium in the ecosystem......
we do d PPK work, we do d nurses work n also d houseman work......
Yet we only get housaman pay...
PPK work like snail, depend them in the fulminat STAT virus world, patient will die n follwed by us...
Nurses, minimally are competent... it's usually "bukan saya punya cubical", "tak tahulah","saya tak ambil","semalam shift punya orang","mereka tak pass over lah","ye ke?"

4th. we dont really manage patient, we carried out plans.....
dextrose stick high ---> KIV to start s/c insulin
BP high ---> KIV to start antihypertensive
Fever with creps on d right lung --> KIV to start antibiotic after blood C&S, KIV chest X-RAY
it's another bug---> KIV bacilli

but at least i get to learn chest tube insertion, long lines, I&D
Hopefully can do appendicectomy la....

Just started my posting, this is how i felt, it might change at d end of the day,
it's a very "careful" posting and yet
i still like surgery =>

Nephro

2008-12-18T19:21:00.002+08:00

Finished my medical posting d lo....
spending my last 1.5 weeks in nephro posting...
IJC stiches, guide wire exchange, blood C&S from infected IJC patient (blue, red lumen, peripheral), learn how to bungkus d IJC, Fem cathether nicely, did my stab peritoneal dialysis....it's a posting full of procedure.....fun, fun, fun...

HD, STAB PD, CAPD, IPD, APD--> glad at least i knew what r they...
Renal dosing-->cant remember d dosing at all, but it's a must for renal pt
long term renal replacement plan--> ha... at least i know something...

will be missing ya -- medical(my kawan-kawan, MOs n specialist, and especially d wednesday n friday breakfast)
here i come -- surgical

Haemato -> Blood -> FBC -> Hb/TWBC/Plt

2008-11-18T21:52:00.000+08:00

1st day in Hemato ward
I saw chicken CHOP & also FISH & chip (short forms here n there, chemo med which i dunno how to pronounce when i see at a glance)

MO Lim... - y they do this to u, u 1st poster, got reason not to go in
MO Sw...- dont worry, 2 weeks onli right, very fast, will go through one

D stress level is d same as when i jus get in medical
new style to suit d MO, n also the specialist
She is like d old english teacher in convent girl school who speaks proper english, who asked the shool girls to sit square n straight n knock their finger with rulers if they dont.......

I m curious about hemato,
i like some changes here n there
but i miss 7a alr

2008-11-16T21:03:00.003+08:00

请了两天假。。。
到金马伦了。。。

很开心 =)

Convocation

2008-11-01T21:02:00.000+08:00

<--Under construction -->

Studio photo for convocation

2008-10-31T18:53:00.000+08:00

Joey Potter is shotting for the new promo =)
Though it's maroon color, but it still look like harry potter suite

Anyway, my family photo

Grandma, i m a doctor now. Yet i stll owe u one, in d process d, will try my best.
Grandpa, i know u really wanted to come, seeing me wearing the tile-like-hat. I did, tht's d least i can do for u......

My S-S (Shiok sendiri) photo

2008-10-02T16:54:00.003+08:00

不知如何面对，
我知道是我自己的问题，
觉得应该放手，
因为我是一个负担，
真希望我们不曾认识，
至少我对你不会如此的挂念,
不去想，不去知道，不回复
潜逃应该是最好的方案

原谅我

做工了

2008-10-02T16:47:00.002+08:00

怡保的生活过得还好，
做着我喜欢做的事情，很忙，很满足，
这里的同事很好。。。

Induksi (retrospective entry)

2008-08-20T19:39:00.000+08:00

Fun.
BTN - I still love Malaysia d way i do =P
Induksi - Huh~ Oh~ IC~ Govern servant ah~

Forgotten what to write d...
In point form la
Food - sucks in BTN, diabetic style in induksi

Photos
Padang Besar - Actually no padang one, more like pasar besar

UUM -

Performance - I m i body guard, had change to ride on a horse =)

Group F - Fantasy Lova-lova-coolest team i ever be with

Lastly, i got hospital Raja Permaisuri Bainun as my placing for houseman
Where was tht?
Actually its hospital Ipoh =)

I m stressed out .....

2008-04-25T18:08:00.003+08:00

My windows player is playing the following songs in full max volume when ever i had no where to turn to for this condition

All good things (comes to an end), say it right- Nelly
It's all about us - TATU
Animal instinct, star - Cranberries
Ordinary day - Dolores'
Ten feet high - Andrea Corr
Going crazy - natalie
Hunter - Dido
Sorry - Madonna
No U Hang Up - Shayne
etc

jus tht my roommate is in the room, if not
it wont be jus media player, music on the headphone and sitting in front of th d comp...

hai..... 又来了。。。

2008-03-23T09:00:00.001+08:00

i felt tht she was something wrong these few days
she had hiccups and sounds funny
i think let her be for a while will be ok, may be it's jus d weather

and then she spoilt in the middle of the road
during heavy rain
n somemore stop zhun zhun at the overfloaded big longkang near K10, UPM Serdang

i think she get angry d cause i didnt accompany her for 2 weeks or more......
call a mechanics, get a towing truck,
really cheap lah!!

RM350 gone......

A team ? or a group?

2008-03-17T10:55:00.002+08:00

Two head is better than one
multiple head is not more better than none

Why waste everybody's time to listen to our presentation
Bacially we present is just for reason of presentation only
not to deliver anything

jus imagine a postman come to ur house
he spent 1 and a half hour there
and when he left, u dont have any letter in ur hand......

ok, it's a bad example anyway

5 years alr, i thought i can accept
i) increase the apparent quality by increasing quantity
ii) compromisation of quality by sustaining harmony
iii) accepting the fact that i should not look down on ppl's effort even i knew tht its were an un-processed work form the internet.
iv) and i should say sorry alot when involving group work cause i'll be stepping on many people's tail, even they dont even have one

sometine it just un-acceptable......
i m not on top of anyone, jus that i wish i could make some reasonable contribution,
reasonable, it's really hard to get by, when u involved berkerjasama.....
team work should help a group to move forward, not pulling it backward

i think i should keep my motto for myself
"always keep things short and nice but concise"
Long,winding data are like those fairy tales that to be told to a little girl when she is going to bed, cause it makes her to bed...you can told her again and again cause she would never remember anyway...

anyway wednesday is the presentation day,
c how it goes.......

Let it be, let it be, let it be, let it be
whisper words of wisdom.........

Sand Collecter

2008-03-16T20:30:00.005+08:00

在网上遇到了这个字 - arenophile
原来世界上有着把收集沙当作爱好的人
我还以为我跟我弟弟而已

不懂几时开始，我每到一个海边，都会拿个瓶子，把一堆沙带回家
或许是回忆的证据吧，或许是便宜的留念品。。。。。。
每个海边，都有它的味道，一阵阵海风，都吹着咸咸的感觉，
每一堆沙，都有它的手感，偶尔倒在手上搓一搓，回味一下当时的感觉，
每一次离开海边时，带着的都是说不出的满足，是开心，是安心，是镇定，或是灵感。。。。。。

一群人的海边。。。。。。
一个人的海边。。。。。。
两个人的海边。。。。。。

当画面开始模糊时，这一瓶一瓶的沙就是我的回忆吧。

此刻真的有点想去海边。。。。。。

二月十八日

2008-02-18T20:14:00.000+08:00

脚步乱了，
康复中的信心原来只是昙花一现，
原来有些事情，我真的不是很会handle，
开不开心，对我来讲，只是角度问题，
可是最近，角度斜了点，人生怎么看，好像没什么可令我sustain-able得开心，
真的，人的优点，往往是他的死穴，现在我看见我的优点一个一个都是potential的死穴，
狠下心来讲，白白的浪费了我六个月的时间，白白的被玩弄了六个月，
真希望可以回到N年前，
从新编排我做人的方案，
做个可以放一点的人，
做个不要这样在乎责任，应该不应该的人，
2007 年，友情战-输了，感情战-kosong, 事业战-sustainable
2008 年，友情战-好像有转机，不过没信心了，连信任都给丢了；
感情战-不会再做无畏的东西了，事业战-得拾回信心......

Cameron Highlands

2008-01-15T21:28:00.000+08:00

Finished my O&G posting..
Went to Cameron highland with my family.

It feels good, really good
I like cameron, to be actual i love cameron.

It's cold, afternoon is never hot, it's full of plants especially cactus (i was a cactus fanatics, was), it's full of vegetables (i m a lacto-ove-pesco vegetarian :) ), it's full of simple ppl, no traffic jams...

it's a unexpected trip, jus out of the blues, nearly boil soup cause of my O&G post mortum, but d post-m canceled d. Dad n mum also unexpectedly agree and able to go, ah Wei also skip his temp job, so basically, things jus go along with me.

I cant really expressed myself when mum n dad agree to go hike the longed-heard mossy-forest-which-so-many-times-i-wanted-to-go-but-my friends-seems-not-interested-at-all-kinda-thing, basically, its a 20 minutes drive from one of the fork road when we r on d way to Sg. Palas BOH Tea plantation (there is a sign saying Gunung Brinchang). It's a 25 degree slope road with 3-2-1-2-3 gear kinda drive, rather easy drive for me since i was driving a 1.5 manual P.Wira

Hehe, i told mum it'll be like LOTR kinda shooting place n she was not disappointed la at least, dad was kinda worried cause the mist, mum was rather sporting to go deeper...... ha, touching the mossy floor was rather satiate.

Instruction to ge there:

1) At Brinchang, take the off shoot from the mainroad to BOH Sg Palas Tea Estate.

2) therre is only one lane for thru n fro, and you'll soon reach a fork road.

3) Go straight will be heading the Sg Palas BOH Tea Estate, or

4) turn LEFT to Gunung Brinchang, prepared to drive with 2nd or 1st gear

5) after around 15 to 20 minutes (but depend how fast u can drive), you will reach a small jungle clearing near the summit where there is space for car parking (enuf for 7-8 cars)

6) start trekking from there. After u went up the wooden stairs, in fact a mere 30-40 meters off the road, u 'll c the mossy forest.

2008-01-10T09:59:00.000+08:00

finised my O&G exam, not happy, really not happy with my performance...shit
breech, breech, breech, breech,
i think there is security breech in my brain
better buck up myself!

Went Music Box to sing k with my friends after exam, jj, bird & yc, sl
it's a new karaoke place in Metropoint in Kajang, where is 30 degree from Hosp Kajang :)
System not good, but who care as long there are mikes n tv screen n a bunch of friends......

ah, sl, u reminded me something i left in subconscious for quite sometime d.....
now its concious again....

朋友　我當你一秒朋友　朋友　我當你一世朋友
奇怪　過去再不堪回首　懷緬　時時其實還有
朋友　你試過將我營救　朋友　你試過把我批鬥
無法　再與你交心聯手　不竟難得有過最佳損友

從前共你　促膝把酒傾通宵都不夠　我有痛快過你有沒有
很多東西今生只可給你　保守至到永久　別人如何明白透
實實在在踏入過我宇宙　即使相處到　有個裂口
命運決定了　以後再沒法聚頭　但說過去　卻那樣厚

＊問我有沒有　確實也沒有　一直躲避的藉口　非甚麼大仇
　為何舊知己　在最後　變不到老友
　不知你是我敵友　已沒法望透　被推著走　跟著生活流
　來年陌生的　是昨日　最親的某某＊

生死之交當天不知罕有　到你變節了　至覺未夠
多想一天彼此都不追究　相邀再次喝酒　待葡萄成熟透
但是命運入面每個邂逅　一起走到了　某個路口
是敵與是友　各自也沒有自由　位置變了　各有隊友

早知解散後　各自有　際遇作導遊
奇就奇在接受了　各自有路走
卻沒人像你讓我　眼淚背著流
嚴重似情侶　講分手

有沒有　確實也沒有　一直躲避的藉口　非甚麼大仇
為何舊知己　在最後　變不到老友
不知你又有沒有　掛念這舊友　或者自己　早就想動頭
來年陌生的　是昨日　最親的某某
總好於那日我沒有　沒有　遇過某某

<最佳損友 - 陈奕迅>

Jus read a FORWARDED message from a best friend

2007-12-29T12:16:00.000+08:00

i missed my best friend, yet there is still a line which i promised myself tht i cannot cross. It was no one's fault yet i still blame either me or him,i still cant really make it out. Ive searched myself and everyone to c that what we went wrong, yet i've failed.

After sometime i do realised tht i 've been using some defence mechanism lately to ease my anxiety for that, reaction formation on the lower end and supression and sublimation on the higher end, Freud's theory do make me understand my behaviour.......

i know i m giving up something tht i will regret in near future, i m not d type tht give up a best friend without fighting d odds, yet it's bugging me for quite sometime, if i did not gif it a stop, i might not come out from d so-called dunno how to describe kinda cycle...

i wondered he realised this thingy is happening to me,
or may be i ve failed him as a best friend,
or may be i m jus a so-so friend to him
or many be i m jus no body n it does not worth d fuss to get into the even superficial part of the problem,
or may be i had problem n he does not
or may be it easier to let it go.....

i do really miss him

Have Urself A Merry Little Christmas

2007-12-27T17:28:00.000+08:00

It's not a lonely christmas afterall for this year, christmas eve at bangsar with a few of my gd friends do mark something different for d special day(though one my friend who did not go ask me wasnt bangsar are for uncles......, frankly it do not haha), got my beer at last, though it hadnt warn up my throat, it still satisfying :)
should had pick a place with a dance floor, but i doubted my friend would have dance.....

Gosh, one beautiful missy n aother handsome lad is missing in this photo, cont put other cause i dont look nice, hehe

I m not a Christian, so Christmas is more about Christmas tree for me, kinda lame, but i still love mother nature,

Hey where is my legs.......jus kidding, u do take a good photo :P

菲

2007-12-01T15:37:00.000+08:00

昨晚不知为何和菱谈起王菲来，已经很久没有人谈她了，或许我大学的朋友之中没人懂我是多么的喜欢她。
喜欢她的声音，喜欢她在婆娑的乐坛竟能如此的做回自己，喜欢她对爱情的诚恳与痴心，喜欢她应用佛法来面对人生。
她是歌手，我是我, 应该是不相干的人物，但她的确是陪我度过了人生

她说过，如果有一天她不唱歌了，希望人们不要记得她
她好像不出唱片了，已经四年了，有点好想念她每次给的期待，她每次给的惊喜，她每次给的满足，
唱歌的人，从不马虎；听歌的人，永远认真。

大马第一场演唱会95年，MISS掉了，因为小学生无知，没话讲
大马第二场演唱会98年，MISS掉了，考着PMR,学业重要，没理由
大马第三场演唱会04年，去了，感觉说不出，如果高兴的scale里，有一到十，那时的感觉应该是十五吧。

王菲在中国04演唱会唱了朴树的那些花儿，昨天很偶然的在youtube看到了

...有些故事还没讲完那就算了吧
那些心情在岁月中已经难辩真假...

她有她的人生故事，需要继续写，或许她还继续唱歌，只是唱给他的丈夫和女儿听
我有我的人生故事，也需要继续写，或许我因该自己开始唱歌给自己听了，
祝福了。。。。。。。

Partially finished.....

2007-11-29T01:18:00.000+08:00

I've settled my case write up,
I've settled my paeds-group clinical pathological conference,
I've nearly settled signaturing my log book

I m turning blue and more blue by every minutes,
ok start breathing, breathe.......

next week is exam week again........
End posting again......
Didnt pick back much of my Paeds during this 4 weeks' time
i jus remember i did oncalls, i presented cases and i slept alot, i really do mean - alot......

ok, beathe......

Dated 17 November 2007

2007-11-18T01:13:00.000+08:00

it's so anticlimax, i never though it could be like this......
may be i did d wrong decision by making an empty slot for my busy saturday for something i think it could be fun
it supposed to be, it initially "is", but somehow it became "was" out of the blue.

disappointment is d worst penalty i can get for being best friends, n i kept getting tis lately,may be they thought i would understand, i would frankly, but i m human also,i m not tht immune towards feelings of disappoointment.

Hey man, may be a few phrases tht showed u care how was i doing lately may make my day better, - may be i m not being considerate n i m asking too much as a guy -
Hey gal, it's ur decision n i never influence tht, i wonder where was i in ur mind when u decided to went off, may be i was kept in d booklet of emergency call list like 999 or what so ever, no emergency thn.....

may be rotting im my room would be better, at least some fungus or mushrooms will grow and stay beside me......

i m loosing d ability to let things be bygones........

Finished nagging, over.

btw, last wednesday seems d best day ever in the month, although a plain dinner, it's not plain after all.

Sunday Morning

2007-11-11T09:59:00.000+08:00

Everything reach a plateau sometime somehow,
even tiredness n depresssion,
i think mine had reached there,
they had make me weak, n now its time for me to turn it around, gambate!!!!!!

it's sunday morning,
had breakfast with my best friend,
it took less thn 1/2 hr,
busy busy busy
but at least life seems going smooth n ok for him,
i m glad to know tht

两年来的第一张正版CD - Tanya 的新 album

2007-11-04T00:16:00.000+08:00

终于买了蔡健雅的新专辑《goodbye&hello》
过关了，过关了，声音好美，歌词写得很好，编曲棒极了，照片好漂亮。

很久已经没有这样的感觉了，已经很久没有买正版了。。。。。。
那种从唱片架子拿下来时，握在手中的唱片，犹豫着因不因该买，怕不好听，怕不值得，怕买到有瑕疵的唱片，怕我在浪费着钱，或许应该卖翻版的感觉又回来了。。。。。
那种走到counter前要给钱的时候，握着五十块一张，知道将要剩两三块回来。。。。。。
回家后，冲个凉，泡杯咖啡，然后唱片一首一首的播，夜晚十二点，房里只开了一张桌灯，
只有他的声音，我的呼吸。。。。。。。

Recovering

2007-11-03T11:47:00.000+08:00

Finally finised my orthopaedics posting, it's not difficult but it's definately hard going through it.

-n-

i've been lazy, i've been demanding, i've been waiting, i've been hoping, i've been disappointing, but i think it's time to keep that thoughts in a box n hid it in somewhere like Timbuktu......

-n-

i dont knw y, i knew n i understood, yet still repeating the mistakes
i knew d answer yet i still wanted to ask the question,
when i wanted something so dear to me, d more i want to keep it, d more i felt loosing it.

best way is to never to think about it :)

i felt better now......

2007-09-15T23:19:00.000+08:00

it's so long tht i didnt write for my blog, none of my friends updating their blog also, so it seems it's down time for blogging within my circles, further more no one may be reading anyway......

not happy recently, talk to my best friend, talk to my aunt
nothing helps actually,
i felt like a big baby
needing for scolding n guidence

music sooths, but sore still there
lunch n dinner with friends do help brighten up my day, but underlying problem still there.......

a few jugs of beer might help, could someone spare the time?.....

Dream, aim and reality

2007-06-22T23:17:00.000+08:00

Dream?
sometime it's sad to know that our dreams lost in the sand of time,
we dream when we r small, dreaming when we r teenager and dreamt when we r young adults...
my secondary school teacher, My Yau told me never to forgot to dream,it's an innate spinal cord reflex kinda thingy in human, jus that we develop our own operon to control it,
i still can remember the story tht how he touched the hand of the buddha statue in Borrobudor even when it's impossible,
i did not really understand d what so called "hidden meaning" at that time, but seems like we need aging process to unlock the meaning.

Dreams sometimes r d only thing that keep u from falling down when u r being knock off by harshness of reality.

aim?
i cant imagine life without aim, may b i m OCD or what, i need aim so that i wont get myself lost,
it not fun waiting in the "lost and found" box, waiting for some saviour to come to distribute enlightenment.
Friends do help, but this feeling came too often, i think it just pending to break down.......
things jus get a little out of hand lately n i dunno what i m doing actually.

Reality?
reality is unspeakable, after all the years i still come back to d same old question with the same answer but with a "but" at the end of the answer
Q: why i want to becoma a doctor (thanks Mr Kw.. for always reminding during on call)
A: i jus want to be able to help, when my love ones (parents, family, friends, wife-still dunoo who she) is in need. They mean eveything to me,without them i m nothing, but i dunno when this answer will last , cause i started not to see the "living" in doctor's life.

It's a grey grey day, rainning soon? weather is jus so unpredictable......

It time for me to re-think n re-form

2007-05-27T00:47:00.000+08:00

i ve been harsh on ppl, thanks pp for saying "hey man, just gif them a chance", it strucked me......we need chances for imrpovement, i may not get them but i can definately gif them out, i think i should keep the harshness to myself

i ve gained confidence in my medical student life, as well as arrogant, i didnt see d obvious tht both of often came in a package......it's time to be careful, 2 in 1 doesnt always means better......

my life planning is terrible......

Trip to Kota Kinabalu, Sabah

2007-05-21T00:29:00.000+08:00

Let photos tell d stories

PADAS White Water Rafting...

Malukan Island & Sapi Island, Taman Negara Tunke Abdul Rahman

i got sunburnt :( didnt know tht water-proof-sun block doesnt mean tht it was not water-wash-able-proof, n now i m back in penang in d process of metamorphosis, skin peeling level 3 attained, i can c wings coming out from my back alr..........

Tanjung Aru

Mount KK

Sadly we didnt not able to climb mount KK, thanks to d always-fully-book-hotel-room, n seems-impossible-to-be-connected-Sutera-Santuary-Lodge n not to mention blood-sucking-agent-tht-charge-at-leastRM350 per person-agent (if settle by ourself will cost less thn RM200)

In a Nutshell, tis trip was great

Last Day in Sandakan

2007-05-17T20:27:00.000+08:00

Here's my last night in sandakan,i m glad cause i m going back home, i m tired from all this elective thingy n d KK trip. i miss d usual clerking patient n presenting case. Funny isnt it...... may be i like routine n improving what i usually do
but at least i can get 2 weeks leave b4 starting my final war to become a doctor.
5th years is kinda scary to me, still remember when i was in my 1st year, 5th year senior seems so mature n insane, and i told myself, i should get tht kind of mature but not d insane part, but now seems i m not really mature but nearly insane alr, haha....
Like forrest gump said (though i didnt really understand tht statement, but it seems kinda appopriate to use here), life is like a box of chocholate, u'll never know what you gonna get......

memories,so be it, memories, and it would be crafted in my heart, shared with my friends here in sandakan. I met new friends, pharmacist W-yang, Terrence, yee ling, grace; neighbour aka businessmen, Neo and his lovely wife, Tina; Teacher who is a friend to my aunt, Jiang Lao Shi and her sisters, d doctors here and many more......
hmm...
i made more friends here in 6 weeks time,
i went into OT here more thn 12 weeks time in HKL,
1 spend my money more thn i counld ever count here in 2 months' time...
i eat more seafood here thn in my whole life (until now)

Sandakan, Sandakan, i think i'll miss you,
huggies! and muaks! before i go

Gua Gomantong, Sandakan

2007-05-04T12:03:00.000+08:00

i would never let myself kena bird shit b4 until this gua visit....
thinking about those cryptococcus, parasite.... (Though Prof Lai remind me tht those r for immunocompromised, but who knows :/)

d journey there from sandakan is around 100km.
2 4-wheel drive,with Mr Neo n Ms Tina, our neighbour (who already belanja us alot alot alot in many many many things alr---realy realy realy pai seh).
Guess what Mr Neo prepared us a 4-wheel drive to drive.

Gua Gomantong is d cave for edible bird nest (Yan Wo) haversting.
Swallows live peacefully with d bats there.
So a piece of advice, careful when u buy birdnest cause it may mixed with fertilizer (Bat's shit)--->ok cold jokes, false statement.......

ok bout d grandmother stories, here r some photo.

u can c millions of swallow flying around in d sky, ok million sound too much, thousands..

CAVES here

with our lovely neighbours, playful couple :)

p/s: Prof Lai got tooth ache, so cannot walk there with us......

Hmm i had an idea what to do for holiday, nothing near medical i supposed

2007-05-04T11:55:00.000+08:00

i think i m gonna make a website to intro sandakan,
it fun to have an idea what-to-do to make up a webpage,
since my last Faye Wong fans page , which is near-zero update alr
didnt touch on any html script......Rusty rusty
Here is d page tht i did few years back
--> my FAYEWONG's page

2007-04-24T15:04:00.000+08:00

hah,
Codeki slice d Wu Can Rou
i friend ikan bilis n Wu Can Rou.
Ang cook soup n vege,

n we had dinner

Hiking in Sandakan

2007-04-24T14:46:00.000+08:00

Ever knew tht In sandakan there's also a hill called Bukit Bendera (Penang also got one hill called bukit bendera-it's Penang hill, hehe) Cement road with no spider web. 30 degree steep with paku-pakis surronding the road.

Beautiful scenery up their

There is Bandar Ramai-ramai below there, got nice Sea food Bah Kut Teh there (But d Bah Kut Teh r not ours Herbs punya Bah Kut Teh, more to spice Pepper soup). N d land on d other side is Philipphines, jus kidding, jus d other part of sandakan. The sea is jus d teluk of sandakan, remember the geography? sandakan situated in d mouth of a canine?

S.U.R.G.E.R.Y

2007-04-18T16:29:00.000+08:00

Started surgical posting, ha!!! as usual, organized ward, no funny smells, less patients, "Yao Yink" punya surgeon - Mr Ng. Jus d voice too soft. N D "Hallmark" of surgery - CLASSIFY (hehe, only UPM medical friend will know, surgery r always full of classification, causes --> clssification, complication -- classification) First day got clinic n i clerk more pt thn i do in me surgical posting (corrected ratio - one day clinic in HDOK n one day clinic in HKL). 2nd day i scrub in for surgery... ...

Luckily i brought our ultimate-power Mr Kwan's notes, until now still haven let me down, d OT/Ward round/Bedside-must-ask questions still valid... ...

hmmm, i think better get some updates from omy junior also. Good thing never scare much right, hehe

Medical-Medical-Medical

2007-04-14T16:22:00.000+08:00

3 weeks in Medicine posting in Hosp Duchess of Kent (HDOK, Sandakan), finally it ending. It's my last day officially there (permission was granted by Dr Tynt Mint for going to d ward of got "interesting case").

Funny tht i was complaining alot for d medical posting, yet i still felt tht i m gonna miss medicine.

As usual, medicine ward r crowded, not with medical students in HKL, but with student nurses. Pt number was so-so, may be due to d less bed available.The MO's and d specialist are nice.
Cases seens here, out of expectedly was d usual non-communicable disease-DM, HPT, IHD, stroke but TB also common lah. But i was expecting something like rheumatid heart disease, valvular heart disease, thyphoid fever (got one pt recently but expired, dead in other word, on d day i came to sandakan which was d 1st saturday),Malaria was also so-so, like 3-4 four case during d 3 weeks' time(but no classical relapsing fever, no spleen, no cerebral malaria).
Got cholera outbreak here but it was isolated in other ward.

Ppl wear mast in female ward b'cause you'll never know a pheumonia pt came out to be pTB, a CCF patient came out to be defaulted TB treatment. (have u saw TB endometrium??? i saw one here, due to language barrier, never able to elicit d history whether it was extrapulmonary TB or due to STDs :) )

Some pt were very very poor in education and pt education also. Got one Dusun aunty dunno what is "Jantung", therefore, "sakit" jantung means nothing to her.

Today we went to the monthly "Medical Motility Meeting", it's really fun seeing the Drs presenting the case to the medical team. Fun part was we able to think alike with the doctors, may be we got great minds, so think alike lah, hehe)

Medical posting - always un-organized but had always never let me down cause it's fun!

Meth-amphitamine

2007-04-11T13:37:00.000+08:00

Montana Meth Project is a campaign on preventing first time Methamphetamine use.
Click on the link below to visit the campaign’s website

Montana Meth Project
D advertisments r good :)

Sepilok Orang Hutan n other monkey trip

2007-04-08T15:38:00.000+08:00

Went to Sepilok Orang Hutan Sanctuary on Saturday...
Kinda tired for tis topic cause i typed twice n i got deleted without sempat being posted, thanks to d power cut in d cyber cafe n snail-comp-tht-hang-when-too-much program-being-on in d HDOK. and it's so hard to reduce d size of photos when u dont have ur comp around.

I brought back a leech from sepilok. Fed him with my femoral blood. n he jus left without saying goodbye :(

Next stop of d day was Labuk Bay to see d "Pinochio" Monkey. Those who watch cartoon will know why i call them like tht - cause they hav long nose - Proboscis Monkey. No close-up photo from d monkey cause they r really far (ok i know sound so "fai" for tis sentence). There were some other monkeys which was "Boh Kiah Lang" one, which i able to be up-close-and-personal with...... Photo from d "Keh-Leh-Feh" monkey from tht place

Ok, the above r not the monkeys.. d below one is

In a nutshell, tht is kinda like biology class lawatan sambil belajar of our Nenek Moyang, hehe applied for those who believed in Darwin's theory......

Viral Infection??

2007-04-03T15:59:00.000+08:00

Fever, bone pain, tiredness......
2 out of 6 of us in Sandakan kena alr,
Not Dengue, Not Malaria, Not "Yit Hei" (Heaty in Chinese)
Not raised white blood count
OPD treat as viral fever 2` URTI, even without sorethroat

Hopefully it's not something like fINAL dESTINATION ----> 4 TO GO

Sandakan, Here I Go!!!!!!

2007-03-25T13:10:00.000+08:00

1st day in Sandakan, 3 hour flight from LCCT, no DVT :)
moved into our house, was unexpectedly big.
Two day b4 we arrived, js, pl and i called the uncle incharged,
n he gif me an impression of animal cage kinda size,
fitting 6 "IN A HOUSE" seems impossible,
luckily, in actual fact, fitting a footbll team in our house seems reasonable, there still got place for guest actually, haha, seems tht i worried too much.
Different ppl got different defination of "Small" and "big"
Fridge, tv, washing machines, hot water heater, bath tub....... it's kinda luxurious
cost us 1000 per month, with 300 as deposit
Guys share one room, but pl seems reluctant to sleep in the room, dunno whether he saw something tht we didnt see???????

Simple town, different ppl from KL, chinese is the most, i think ranging 50%, followed by Malay/Indon and 5% of Dusun and ?% of philippino. (no Indian i think, cause i only saw one indian near my place, may be she is doing elective, or she was not indian but charred from the damn hot weather in sandakan)
Beside classify the ppl here to races, they also can be classified into local, non-local and illegal immegrent.
Chinese speak cantonese and Hakka as well as mandarin, other speak Pelik-pelik punya Malay.

Food is "so-so" as compared to KL, worse as compared to Penang and Hulu Terengganu. Dunno will survive or not with my odd vegetarian diet...... nevertheless i saw one vegetarian shop, so, A star for sandakan inadvance :)

Monday will be starting our posting in Hospital Sandakan, a.k.a Hospital Duchess of Kent

..佛..

2007-03-22T12:56:00.000+08:00

好久没有学佛了。原来人是这样的善忘，曾经了解及领悟的事情却如此轻易的被时间摧毁。

2007-03-12T23:23:00.001+08:00

"When you wake up everyday
Please don’t throw your dreams away
Hold them close to your heart
Cause we are all a part
Of the ordinary miracle"

Spend some beautiful time with someone beautiful

if only i hav a second chance.........
i saw my friend "Samsung" doing the operation
opp! not my friend, a medical officer look alike
it's like what cantonese idiom said --> mould of a biscuits (Beng yan)

just notice tht our world got limited genetic pool
we may get repetition

i wonder where is the other me..

It's sunday alr

2006-10-08T11:37:00.000+08:00

Sunday means alot of things to me..

b4 joing medical schools
- morning breakfast with family
- occasionally hiking with parents
- piano classes
- movie dvd and pc programme shopping in bj complex
- help up household chores (it's help up, NOT doing)

in medical school
- mondays is coming
- wasted my saturday
- where did my friday go?
- have to ensure i did my laundry for d week

--n--

A grey side of thought....
patient walk into hospital hoping for cure
walk out when cured (plz dont spoilt it by saying terminal illness or undiagnosed disease etc)

doctor walk into hospital hoping for less emergency case/normal case
walk out hospital knowing tomoro will be walking in again

if only i have the power to pause the world and let me have enough sleep
at least i dont have to hold my book with my eyes close
passive diffusion never seems to work........

Being mocked by mock exam

2006-10-04T21:40:00.000+08:00

finished my mock exam,
two weeks to my final,
knew i m worried but too tired to think of that,

thought of going clubbing with someone..
thought of singing k with someone..
thought of spending time with someone..
thought of catching up with someone..
knew that it's not d time to think of those, but d thoughts keep on going repeating in my mind, even better than my differential diagnosis.....

gosh, so hell lot of things to finish......in time.....
now some more need to spend time with my chocolate case write up, opps... it's chocolate cyst case write up,how pathetic, i dont like chocolate anyway

jUsT nOtHiNg

2006-09-28T17:41:00.000+08:00

--发现--原來我也是双栖动物....

Lunch Hour

2006-06-26T12:54:00.000+08:00

3rd day in klinik kesihatan shah alam, i m bored to death.
it's not like i cant learn anything in there, just that it's so primary care (cough, cold, fever, body ache, tired, red eye, cough cold fever, and suspected dengue). i even notice what color is the drinking bottle of the doctor and how often they drink the water, ok i m too much on that.
So i m now here at one of cyber cafe in Shah Alam, during the lunch hour, writing my blog, listening to my radioblog, and checking my mail. How desperate and pathetic it can be. i miss general medicine and my surgery or what ever my friends are doing in the other posting like peads or what eva. Ghee, i got one hour more to start following the clinic and 4 hour more to go home, 5 hour more to reach home and 18 hour more to repeat the whole process.

i need motivations, i need goals and i need to get pampered.
i want be like a small kiddo, who get ask whether how is my day like,
at least once in a while
now
.......

Bye bye Kajang...For a while

2006-06-18T18:08:00.000+08:00

Finised my Kajang private GP posting this week.
My tutor reminded me alot,
on
how forgetfull i m in my studies,
how unsteady my basics r,
how poor is my conversation skills (i perform best by nodding and smilling )
how pathetic a dr's life is
how strong can office/XX politics' influence our hope and vision
now all sorts of animal float across my mind
dog eat dog world,
kambing biri-biri,
duck - our population are full of quack
chicken where u fulfill ur task and get killed for birdflu

on the other hand, i saw how an enthusiatic dr can make a difference in eveything

Untitled

2006-06-16T16:29:00.000+08:00

Suddenly i m so tired of everything.
Tired of travelling everyday
Tired of sleeping in my floppy bed
Tired of hoping
Tired of being tired

seek motivation that can keep me moving forward in this hour of life
may be i m just overwhelmed
luckily there still some good news to keep me breathing

Holidays

2006-06-04T17:31:00.000+08:00

When u dont aspect much from something, u can really get the most out of the least expectation.
Have a super cool great chat with my best friend some days ago.

She told me tht my weakest point is the strongest ability.
Keep to think of tht, ya only best friend will know tht.

She ask me for help to take her friend around in penang
it started as a friendly favour n ended up with another new spark friendship
(where on earth tht still got species tht love the songs tht i like)

i gave her a hand-made simple belated birthday present
she return me with a overwheling complement

Best friend r those who makes u feel good about urself
thanks for being tht way
n u r truely wonderful :-P

It's starting again

2006-06-04T12:34:00.000+08:00

Hey where is the gun powder, war starts tomoro

<-- entd-of-shemster-bread delusion -->

Boring, i think not really

2006-05-20T21:09:00.000+08:00

insecurity is building up,
insanity is watching me,

should i start a new season or stick with old n write the last chapter?
Yes, i should.
And it doesnt make any sense.

Collected part of my brain in the service centre

2006-04-19T12:14:00.000+08:00

Laptop got stroke

cannot even reach windows

thought it was static

and it wasnt

make up my mind to sent to service centre

3 hours to reach there

thanks to the misleading address in the not-so-updated official website which did not include a
phone number

Friday went in OT n monday only come out

transplant was done

luckily i still got warenty

Lesson of the day (1) treat her nicely n gentlely (2) always extend ur warenty for ur laptop (3) Hewlett Packard provides good service :-)

The elderly had passed

2006-04-15T11:43:00.000+08:00

Finished my geriatric posting, really Eng Eng Cheng Cheng, went for some lectures, did some patients clerking (more to listening to their His/Her-story n made them annoyed by doing the mini-mental test), n presented some cases. The challenging part was for me to ask the patient 100 minus 7 equals-to how much n did not make them look like an idiot. The sad part was i did make some of them look like an idiot as they cant answer the question (e.g. due to dementia or bla bla bla). Fun? ya, i think so.

Certain things tht been taught in lecture, where i ve gone thru personally really hit me. The lectures introduces the problem but no definate solutions. ""How and why an old person fall, how fall make the person's disease deteriorate, giants of geriatric like pressure sore when bed ridden, delirium in the disease state. How patient deal with terminal ill disease, how he/she face death, how u face death of someone u love, anticipationly or even aniversarily, how the family members face breakdown on system of taking care of the patient, issues of trying alternative medicine, issue of feeling bad on getting relief when patient pass away (e.g. not doing enough n etc), process of grief n reorganization."" i had tht experience, why there wasnt any dortor there to tell such thing going to happen, dunno? not their business? or juz relectant to tell or there is not point telling as it's out of their duty ........ Doctor cure, but how far should doctor care?

Am i getting boring?

2006-03-19T11:30:00.000+08:00

when u started on doing something, u will never get over it.

I noticed tht since i took up medical as part of my student life, nothing much bside medical will be coming out of my mouth. Even when i writing for this blog. I still wonder whether i understand more about life, getting more experience when handling such issues or it'll be just another occupation.

Finished my derm (dermatology = skin) posting. A two weeks time with some peeping to the tip of an iceberg of what skin-ology was all about. I have such high expectation in it, yet it came out differently. Skin is the largest organ of our human body n bla bla bla, so many sign n symptoms and diseases, yet treatment r so limited. What one of the department consultant said was tht everybody think tht treating skin is easy, either moisturiser, anti-fungal or steroids. It's kinda true in CERTAIN sense, but there is a whole lot of knowladge behind it. Hmm, i got a good example, like a monk who visits a pub regularly, it seems kinda odd tht what he does. Everyone will be wondering how inappropriate and wrongful for such a holy person to go to such place. But ever wonder he is practicing and improving his calmness and other what so ever tht i cant recall, in a noisy and tempative place. So never judge ppl if we dont know anything about it. ok i got deviated n this was a very bad example.

When i m following the derm clinics, the spectrum of patient r really wide, sometimes i wonder how ppl look at disease differently. Some ppl come in for lentigines (something like freckles but with different in histological level), and ask for treatment bcause the darken spots make d face n skin look ugly. Some ppl come in with very bad acne n ask for treatment. Sometimes the condition r bad until that there was no hesitence on taking oral roaccutane (isotretinone - systemic vit A derivatives), which had alot of side effect. Some ppl come in with psoriasis, a disease which got spectrum a presentation but commonly presented with raised, well marginated, red and scally lesion. In Hokkien,it was call Gu Pui Sien (bull skin tinea, hehe). No CURE but can control. Some ppl come in for management of mucosis fungoides, or even dermatomyositis, which indicate there are or might be an underlying cancer.

On summary, something tht ppl want to look more beautiful, something tht drown ur self-esteem, something tht u need other ppl's understanding and something tht might kill u. Now u see how great and powerful the ability of skin are.

So what r d disappointment about, i asked my self. Dermatology is not just making some one increase or regain back the self-esteem. There r something tht u cannot treat n yet it keeps on reminding u tht u r having it. U cant make roti canai if u have active hand eczema, ur non-understanding spouse wouldnt have sex with u if u had severe psoriasis, thinking it might be infective, Hansen patient will keep getting reminder tht they r having side effect of clorazimine (why u skin look brownze), mucosis fungoides patient tht wanting to push the limit of the treatment (wanting to increase the maintainence dose of PUVA) as he keep seeing the red patches of lesion on his skin. The psychological part of skin lesion r so indefinately extreme.

u'll never understand if u haven have skin issues b4,when we get fed-up, we would try anything to get a better skin. whould it be too much to ask for a healthy skin. At what stage u r standing now for ur skin disorder, Anger?Depression? Bargaining? Denial? Acceptance? mine still loiterng around.

And i still not understand where is my disappointment about......

It's so hard to spit it out

2006-02-15T21:03:00.000+08:00

I finally figured it out why i wasnt really feeling any joyfullness during my cny.
When we are small, special occasion was always special, now when older, something seems missing, thought it was d part and parcel of aging process. Then noticed it wasnt really true. Aging cause us to change from "enjoying the season holiday" to "ensure the season holiday is enjoyful". Ever felt that we tend to maintain the memories in our life tht had cause something beautiful. When they r gone, something seems evaporated.

Lately one of my friend's granny had passed away, which reminds me of mine. Someone so dear to me whenever i thought of her, tears keep floating down. So i ve learnt to mind-block myself, an ability to keep memories in refrigerator, whenever u accidentlly open d door, everythings looks raw and fresh. Yet d memory-puzzle that i ve framed seems peeling off slowly as times go by, edges torn, colors fade. How terrified such feeling could be. Gathering dinner at home without Loh Bak and curry chicken wasnt really a gathering dinner. There is gathering, there is dinner, but without the soul. Though i m a not-so-strict vegetarien now, the presence of these food, the looks, the smells, the frying sound and even the sneeze-causing aroma of chilly during grinding make a hugh difference. I dont eat them but i love their presence. ........................

i promised myself when i knew how to drive,i ll bring her to movie, but i only hav chance to bring her to d clinic.
i promised to assist her to toilet during the night by sleeping in her room, but caused her to restrain her urine because dont want to wake me up.
i wanted to spent more time with her, but F6 study kept holding me down
She asked me whether she can make it to see me married, and i answered i'll try my best and she laughed,
Should i said tht, am i not doing my best or it just ......
I m ok now, just that these thought still kept in my refrigerator

Ophthalmology posting

2006-02-11T16:12:00.000+08:00

Finished 2 weeks of ophthalmology posting (which was ment to be 3, thanks to d un-coordinate n myopic system of my school, we spend one week holiday-ing). Gosh, questions on (i)what should i learn, (ii)what i ve been learning and (iii)what have i learnt is totally un-answered. After 2 years of pre-clinical lecture with chop-stick feeding (spoon feed = total-fed ; chopstick = fed but fish ball, rice etc r fed vry difficultly) n a 1/2 year of fun n self-initiative introductory medicine n surgery postings, i m doing something on specific structure on ""eyes"".

How complex could an eye be, as everything in d world is so complex :) Try to caffeine-nized my self with teh tarik every morning (i dont drink coffee) n convert all d protein-degenerating temperature into my energy to get through d day, not much ward work to do, bed side teching r few, OPD r luck-depended, phew~ at least i learn to use ophthalmoscope.

"So what is the cup-disc ratio?"
"err"
"Can u see d disc?"
"err it seems pale"
"Nope, its normal"
"Can u really see d fundus?"
"hmm, i think she got cataract"
"Go home a practice more!"

Yet mastering it is another issue.

Driving in Selangor will never be d same in Penang

2006-01-21T12:14:00.000+08:00

Me, like driving in car, alone, singing like helding a concert, with all d high picth tune which i could ever achive n exploring d big lorong or small road, exploiting d traffic n reaching destination in time with my dilly-dally attitude b4 departing. I'll give a rate of +8 if i m doing it in Penang, n a -2 if in KL or selangor

Yesterday, was ment to drive to Complex kerajaan in Jalan Duta, how hard can it be, with a half full tank petrol n a froggy voice in d morning...... and gosh it took me one and a half hour to reached there. Petrol was nearly empty n my car concert was cancelled. Damn d missing road sign, morning traffic jam n d absence of U turn. Nearly drove to damansara, nearly reached Pudu Raya, pheww, all i miss was a simple right turn.

Still love driving in penang, though bumpy n slender i would say, yet familiarity n d idae tht "where ever u drive as long u do not cross d bridge, thn u'll be fine" was promising safe.

Tu Tu, Tu Tu ......

2006-01-17T18:43:00.000+08:00

An unexpected long distance call from a very old time friend, (u know who u r), chatting with her in my car, juz found out its better thn my room on my bed. No noise (except some fom engine) n more privacy (with refletor shade put on). i wonder how long i ve not been doing tht, talking on d phone for ages?........ Great hearing ur voice again!!

Some nice quote i heard over an old radio interview:- mistakes are beautiful things, they make u improve; it's imperfection tht makes someone unique

Trees, water n DVD

2006-01-16T22:36:00.000+08:00

went hiking Air Itam Dam to burn some fat, gravity pick on me.
Every minute, seems at a crossraod, whether to turn back or proceed.
Decision made kinda hard to un-make, reached top at d end.
1.5x of normal time, not bad, i guess...

Weather so damn hot ind afternoon, rewatched Twister.
Still love Helen Hunt.

Time is ticking out !

2006-01-15T15:26:00.000+08:00

It's my last week of holiday for my fifth semester, feeling nervous as it's ending soon, dunno what lies ahead.
Attended a wedding dinner few days ago, someone sang Que Sera Sera in d middle of d dinner, at first it sound odd to me why she dedicated dis songs to d new couple, soon i realised. We plan things but sometimes it never gonna turn out as what we hope for, just like how d song ends, what will be will be.
Take it easy, make d best out of what we got. Hope i will be enjoying d new semester.

Killing him softly with......

2006-01-13T19:12:00.000+08:00

Yesterday i did my annual-major aquarium water changing for my smaller aquarium, bought some new tiger barbs (a type of fish). Today, noticed some of them r diseased with white spots around their bodies, bought a bottle of mediation, with few drops (with dual counter-checked calculation of the doses) of d drug, i sent one of them to heaven ....... Oh gosh, instead of helping them, i poisened them. He just did some chinese acrobat in the water and off he went to the moon...... Whuaaaaaa......just thought tht if underdose there will be no therapeutic effect. Unbelievable, my calculation was correct, yet ... hai~ lukily i redo d water n the rest survive. Pheeew~

Hip Hip Huray, Exam fever subsided

2005-12-20T23:08:00.000+08:00

After a long vacation from my beloved blog, i've return to u. Thanks to the heavy pressure and polluted kia-su atmosphere, there was no mood to write to U......At last i've finished my profesionnal exam for my third year in my uni, dunno whether i pass or fail, it still a relieve to me. Sense some temporily hapiness, thoungh permenant peace only be reached at this friday.
Seems alot of things happen around me lately which i think is an good exposure to me, a road needed to walk in order to be a betterman :) i think i would list the thought rather than classified it, if not it'll sounds too surgical......

1) Kia - su is inborn, just the "penetrance" is difference. You either control ur kia-su-ness or it crontrols u.

2) We judge ppl. No matter how un-bias we wanted to be, we judge ppl by their covers, their diseases which they r having, their gestures when they r eating, their attitude towards something. It's really funny that i always keep reminding myself - must respect other ppl especially their individual-ness or so-called personalities, yet i still cheat myself, gosh...

3) We need a lifetime to really know a person. When i thought i knew a person, then i realiazed tht i hardly ever knowing her (or him). It's a "fast-food" life, everything comes n goes, even relationship......

4) The one person tht ppl care the most is themselves. Ironically, sometimes we care for others to satisfied ourself. So who do we care the most? ......

5) We see things in our own perception .

Tired? Excuses or really exhauseted......

2005-08-20T10:15:00.000+08:00

I keep on reminding myself i m not tired, everytime in the morning,
hunger for knowledge, hunger for input, hunger for more sleep,
it's an empty hole which never gonna to be filled, should i feel tired for filling tht hole?~?

human sense are easily fooled as mind power is great, when we wanted to do something that we believed it's true, thounsand of reasons and million of examples will be taken be us to support our will, isnt that true?
Sometimes we dont see the reasons and somethimes we dont want to see;
sometimes we cannot work it out, and sometimes there's not point to work that out.

is it worth it in the end?
i still believe, everything changes

A moment in concert, as if it's so real

2005-08-09T22:11:00.000+08:00

That is a reason why i like watching live concert in DVD or even in a real-life concert, you will be hit by the atmosphere and especially in an unpluged session, just one instrument and the voice of the singer......

sometimes the songs fit into ur life, sometimes u touched by the songs, alot of thoughts, alot of feeling ......

......If you should stop for a while,
You will find me standing by, Over here at the side of your life.......
......... I like to hold you still, remind you of all you've missed If you have time .......
.......Why do you still run when you could walk with me, Life will pass you by when you move as quickly, What can you see when you're spinning around ......

2005-07-31T17:14:00.000+08:00

At last, i got my mood back to write my blog,
met my best friend yesterday, spending more then 8 hour talking the universe, didnt really know tht meeting her will brighten up my weekend, these stuffy aircone and recycling C02 in my room really dulling up my life.so, like usual, dailling up the net, click live-update (kinda like norton antivirus defination kinda thing), downloaded the defination, and updated......we talk about relationship, religion, future and what ever, we didnt even have time for cinema, realising tht movies are for ppl who have nothing more to talk, but just wanted to be together and enjoy d presence of each other.Relationship and commitment, love and responsibility,she and i wasnt the one tht believe love last forever, or some say ethernity, everything comes to an end any how, commitment and responsibility are the one which we are able to control of and that is lasting. Can someone else like or even fell in love with ur love ones, can u allow tht? i still trying to figure out my answer......

here's a story i recall, one student ask his teacher, what is love?The teacher ask her student to go to the wheat field and find the biggest wheat and bring it to her but with one condition, he can never turn back to where he had walked, so the young lad soon set off.In the end of the day, he was empty-handed back to his teacher. His teacher ask him why, he said that everything time he wanted to plug d wheat, he thought there maybe a bigger wheat that he may see if he walk further,but everytime the previous seems bigger then the latter,but he cant turn back.the teacher told him, this is the meaning of "love". Later in another day, the student ask his teacher again, what is marriage?The teacher ask her student to go to the forest and chop the biggest wood and bring it to her but again, with one condition, he can never turn back to where he had walked, so the young lad soon set off again.In the end of the day, he brought back a off-medium-sized wood back to his teacher. His teacher ask him why, he said that after he had walk half of the journey and noticed he was still empty-handed, and then he saw this medium-sized tree, so with previous experience, he chopped this tree, And his teacher told him, this is the meaning of "marriage".
Knowing someone we truely love is something beautiful, but somethimes it just happen at the wrong time, as we had already commited to someone else. just like driving ur car along the highway, u saw ur dream car drove pass u, u love tht car but didnt own it, it's either u cant affort it or the modale came out after u had bought ur car. U still cherish ur car even though it wasnt the one u truely like,u still keep on taking good care of her. And in the mean time u still keep on saying tht how wonderful if u had own the dream car......
In a person's life, he/she change at certain line of the station, nothing in the universe stay permenent, and tht's what i believed. When any relationship (friends, family or even love ones) had stated, it all based on a core, just like d earth, it has a core, no matter how did the surface change (volcano eruption, diseased, or even war), it'll be still the earth. Once the core is no more, there wont be earth. Just like the solar system, without the sun as a core, all the 9 planet (today's newspaper say scientist discover the 10th planet) will leave the system.
What do the relatinship between u and ur parents or siblings based on? blood. That is the strongest core we have. No matter how u changed, being bad or good, they will still be the same to u. Let say if one day the core collapsed in what ever reason, will the relationship stays the same? I doubt tht, unless blood wasnt the core of the relationship.What is our core with our friends, was it the trust?the look?the presense?the religion?the course u r attending now? What is the core of ur relatinship with ur bf/gf, ur innocency?ur insecurity?ur music talent?ur social security?ur presense whenever she/he is in trouble? We have to find out and relieze the core very early,as wanting to maintain a relationship with this forever changing life, the core has to be there.The worse example will be someone wanting to be with u becauese of ur beautiful teeth......u gonna get into troble when u r starting ur 50s.............

2005-05-31T09:53:00.000+08:00

Malacca, which i went with my friends yesterday~ dunno y, just kinda need to find a place to free my mind~ Uni's surrounding is too quiet without my coursemates around, which in not the perfect place for me, need some place with have human in it, not the elves type of feeling (like Lord of the Ring)~ Walking along the street in malacca brought back some of my memories and even awaken me that it's time to settle some unfinished issues and be once n for all. Seeing the old ladies and guys singing outdoor make me sank back when i was small~ all the sweet and bitter memories i had and still have....the person i miss the most is my grandma~ passed away when i was in my lower form six~ some ppl handle their bitter memories by forgetting them, i was a geniues, i kept them in the hidden compartment in my brain, i think geniues wasnt the best word to described tht~ anyway, ppl cry and sad away the incident, i on the other hand encounter the same old sad mood when ever some scene or issues trigger the hidden memories. Human brain can do wonders but sometines are not reliable, some memories are easily forgotten and some do not, lukily they r not returnable goods like those tht are sold in supermarket, if not ... ....

~wonder how was it like being old~ my friends always say that i worried too much and i m ahead of my age, weiredo who never live his youngster days n alr thought of the older one. but one rule is always in my mind, which is everything should be kept simple, neat n nice~ i think it's the rule of thumb of my life~

Feeling~ so sad that it wasnt like instinct, where the reaction to the stimuli were inborn.Do I really believed in my feeling? Sometimes kinda need some rational equation or so-called theory to persuade tht i should go with my thought~ Bought a souvenir to someone who cross my mind this night~

2005-05-25T12:00:00.000+08:00

Got a reliable info on the our research project presentation rehearsal yesterday~ got new info on our new semester, election of new class rap n some others important info which i reluctant to listen, just cant take the reality that my big gang in university is splitting, though still be studying the same location but does not breathe the O2 population in the same lecture hall......

after all d presentation, i hav the bad feeling that it's time i need to contribute to my fellow classmates.............i m elected as d class representative. My immunity had been strip off since i wasnt holding any post in PMC. It's like suddenly an elephant had dropped into my arm, so, gonna feed n bathe this animal until he find a new owner in 2006. Hopefully he has nothing similar with the character in jungle book, i m kinda wish it would be like Dumbo.......

2005-05-24T00:52:00.000+08:00

Just found a way to spit out my messy thoughts in an organized way, so here I go......

Don't know why, i m kinda into jazz and folk-pop after going in to universities.., starting to love sarah mclachlan and norah jones, noticed that human changes in everything, in everyway and in every time, what i love the most will still be the most but rooms are given out to some news stuffs. Love for Faye Wong's voice has started since when i know what music is all about~ her voice was the thing that i was passionate about, but she grew~ she change~ into the way that suits her the most~ leaving the shells that she make for herself when she wanted to b accepted n b special~ In ppl's lives, something always happen along the line and they relize that they r special when being themselves, just whether other ppl know how to appreciate it~ but the main issue was, did we know to appreciate that~!?

Listening to Sarah's Afterglow concert now~ the lyrics and her voice really hit me, -- Push-- a love song written to her husband, the music kinda flow with my blood~ the feelings she shows are the feelings i m searching,... "you pick me up and brush me off, and tell me i m ok, sometimes that's just what we need to get us through the day", i think that i m not too greedy, just a simple feeling which is complicated to get~