Am i getting boring?

when u started on doing something, u will never get over it.

I noticed tht since i took up medical as part of my student life, nothing much bside medical will be coming out of my mouth. Even when i writing for this blog. I still wonder whether i understand more about life, getting more experience when handling such issues or it'll be just another occupation.

Finished my derm (dermatology = skin) posting. A two weeks time with some peeping to the tip of an iceberg of what skin-ology was all about. I have such high expectation in it, yet it came out differently. Skin is the largest organ of our human body n bla bla bla, so many sign n symptoms and diseases, yet treatment r so limited. What one of the department consultant said was tht everybody think tht treating skin is easy, either moisturiser, anti-fungal or steroids. It's kinda true in CERTAIN sense, but there is a whole lot of knowladge behind it. Hmm, i got a good example, like a monk who visits a pub regularly, it seems kinda odd tht what he does. Everyone will be wondering how inappropriate and wrongful for such a holy person to go to such place. But ever wonder he is practicing and improving his calmness and other what so ever tht i cant recall, in a noisy and tempative place. So never judge ppl if we dont know anything about it. ok i got deviated n this was a very bad example.

When i m following the derm clinics, the spectrum of patient r really wide, sometimes i wonder how ppl look at disease differently. Some ppl come in for lentigines (something like freckles but with different in histological level), and ask for treatment bcause the darken spots make d face n skin look ugly. Some ppl come in with very bad acne n ask for treatment. Sometimes the condition r bad until that there was no hesitence on taking oral roaccutane (isotretinone - systemic vit A derivatives), which had alot of side effect. Some ppl come in with psoriasis, a disease which got spectrum a presentation but commonly presented with raised, well marginated, red and scally lesion. In Hokkien,it was call Gu Pui Sien (bull skin tinea, hehe). No CURE but can control. Some ppl come in for management of mucosis fungoides, or even dermatomyositis, which indicate there are or might be an underlying cancer.

On summary, something tht ppl want to look more beautiful, something tht drown ur self-esteem, something tht u need other ppl's understanding and something tht might kill u. Now u see how great and powerful the ability of skin are.

So what r d disappointment about, i asked my self. Dermatology is not just making some one increase or regain back the self-esteem. There r something tht u cannot treat n yet it keeps on reminding u tht u r having it. U cant make roti canai if u have active hand eczema, ur non-understanding spouse wouldnt have sex with u if u had severe psoriasis, thinking it might be infective, Hansen patient will keep getting reminder tht they r having side effect of clorazimine (why u skin look brownze), mucosis fungoides patient tht wanting to push the limit of the treatment (wanting to increase the maintainence dose of PUVA) as he keep seeing the red patches of lesion on his skin. The psychological part of skin lesion r so indefinately extreme.

u'll never understand if u haven have skin issues b4,when we get fed-up, we would try anything to get a better skin. whould it be too much to ask for a healthy skin. At what stage u r standing now for ur skin disorder, Anger?Depression? Bargaining? Denial? Acceptance? mine still loiterng around.

And i still not understand where is my disappointment about......